“You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting, So… get on your way!” ― Dr. Seuss, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”
Introduction
All too often these days we hear the words RELOCATION, EMIGRATION, IMMIGRATION. This has certainly been amplified by the global Covid-19 pandemic, with friends and family situated around the globe. Which in turn has also led to more of a gig working economy, where for some of us, we are able to relocate, live and work in different locations. However, have you ever stopped and thought about the emotional impact which relocation may have on you and your family?
Relocation is really tough – both logistically and emotionally. The way that we leave a place can contribute to our overall contentment and sense of connection, leaving us with a positive sense of closure and readiness to embark on the next chapter of our lives. Or, it can leave us with guilt, regret, unresolved grief and damaged relationships, which often get in the way of a positive start in your new place.
All too often I have seen families in the process of emigration (myself included), focus primarily on the logistics and practical elements thereof, however we forget about the emotional impact it has not only on us as an individual but on our partners’, children, friends and family.
When our decision was made to officially leave South Africa to England, I did not anticipate the struggles I would have when officially emigrating as a family of 4 with 2 young children. Finding work to advance in my career, building genuine friendships, feeling at home in a foreign landscape and culture, staying connected with family and friends back home, and knowing how my relocation fitted into my bigger personal and professional goals, all proved to be more challenging than I ever imagined.
Therefore, together with my own personal experiences as well as my professional background in psychology, I have a very special place in my heart to see families as well as individuals thrive in their new found home and maintain a healthy sense of self.
As such, please journey with me as I provide some useful resources and food for thought as we journey along this path called relocation, whilst focusing on you Mental Health & Wellbeing.
How to leave well Amidst Relocation
“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go”. Dr. Seuss
I thought it appropriate following on from the Relocation Webinar that I provide further insight into the acronym RAFT – (original version comes from David Pollock & Ruth Van Reken in their book Third Culture Kids 3rd edition: Growing Up Among Worlds, adapted from Lauren Wells in her book – Raising up a generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids, 2020).
Such an acronym was developed as a guide for LEAVING WELL. Although there are so many aspects that one needs to consider when LEAVING, below are just a few pointers in intentionally trying to leave well.
Reconciliation
- If at all possible, try and make amends with anyone you may have hurt or been hurt by before moving. If you know you have tried from your side to make amends or apologise, then it is a process of “letting go” and making amends with the situation and know that you have tried your best.
Affirmation
- Honouring relationships and saying intentional goodbyes. Tell the people you love, you love them. As an individual or a family, get your children to perhaps write thank-you cards or draw pictures for those who mean a lot to you.
- Make a list of all the people you want to say “Thank-you” or “I Love You” and include your children in writing up this list together.
- Provide a special gift for those you are leaving.
- Have a conversation around how you will intentionally keep in touch.
Farewell
- Say goodbye not only to people but places too. This is especially important for children as it is rather critical to the grieving process that children know it is the “final” playdate, trip to a certain park or beach, or last sleep in their bed, etc. A fun idea is giving your child a disposable camera, print these and take it all with you.
- Take your time in saying goodbye to each room in your home. Perhaps allow each family member to say some good things about each room.
- Taking mementos for yourself and others which remind you of the place you are leaving.
Think Destination
- Future-focused, thus focuses on where you headed. Read and educate yourself on your new destination.
- This can be done in various ways depending on your children’s age. If they old enough let them google and YouTube places of interest in the country which you moving too. This is not an exercise of comparison but rather an exercise of learning and educating oneself on what new things you will experience.
- Another great creative idea is to make a collage about all the fun facts and interesting places to visit in your destination country.
I hope these pointers come in handy during your journey of LEAVING WELL.
How to leave well amidst Relocation, with a Focus on Teenagers
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose”. Dr. Seuss.
Although the process of LEAVING WELL is difficult for us all, regardless of age, moving with teenagers or as a teenager has even further challenges given this season in a child’s life. I would like to just reiterate that leaving never ceases to be one of the most difficult aspects of a child’s or even adult’s life. So many emotions are experienced, in anticipation of the transition ahead. More often than not this season is often the first critical “touch point” in which children (of any age) need proactive preventative care.
Therefore, on this note, I want to add some useful “food for thought” in HOW TO LEAVE WELL with TEENAGERS.
As it is for all ages, one of the most significant factors to making the transition as healthy and smooth as possible is being intentional about LEAVING WELL. Teens will vividly remember the leaving process, therefore leaving in a healthy way is vital.
Teens are not only undergoing the emotional process of leaving what they know, but they are also undergoing significant physical, physiological, emotional, intellectual, spiritual changes.
Here are some additional points to consider (adapted from Lauren Wells in her book – Raising up a generation of Healthy Third Culture Kids, 2020), when relocating with teens or as a teen yourself:
Say good-bye well
Help your teenagers say good-bye well using the RAFT acronym.
Make it a family conversation
If possible, talk with your teenagers about the decision to move overseas, ask for their input and listen to their input. While you, the parents make the final decision, it is important to let your teenagers know that you respect their opinions.
Do no blame hormones
Do not just blame hormones as a culprit for added moodiness and negative emotions. Although the fluctuating hormones may accentuate the grief of leaving, they do not make the grief any less real. Teenagers are experiencing an extreme loss during relocation. A recommended book for teens with simple ideas for understanding and expressing grief is Healing your Grieving Heart for Teens: 100 Practical Ideas, by Alan D. Wolfelt. Although this book deals with the grief experienced in losing a loved one, it can also be applied to the loss from moving.
Take your child seriously
Just as you should not downplay their emotions and blame hormones, it is important to take your child seriously when they express points of grief to you. To an adult, missing a matric dance may seem so irrelevant, however to your teen, it may be the most relevant thing for them at that point.
Provide options for good-byes
Encourage your teens to think of ways to say good-bye to their friends and help them to make it happen.
I hope some of these pointers come in handy during your process of LEAVING WELL! Please continue to journey with me as I provide some useful resources and food for thought as we continue to embrace the path of relocation.
April Gratitude – Offer from Angelique Rademeyer
Given that it is April, a month of much spiritual reflection and appreciation for me, I would like to extend my gratitude to all families who have taken the time to read some of the useful pointers I have shared with you. On this note, I would like to offer two families, four virtual sessions at no cost with me as you embark on this journey of relocation. Should you think you ready to embark on a coaching journey and be open to receiving some EMOTIONAL and WELLBEING support, then please drop me a message at [email protected]
I look forward to hearing from you!
More about the author, Angelique Rademeyer
Angelique’s professional career was determined by the need to understand human behaviour and the application of psychology for the greater public good. Angelique is registered as an Organisational Psychologist with the HPCSA, and within the UK, Angelique is a member of the British Psychological Society and Association of Coaching.
Relocation is really tough – both logistically and emotionally. The way that we leave a place can contribute to our overall contentment and sense of connection, leaving us with a positive sense of closure and readiness to embark on the next chapter of our lives. Or, it can leave us with guilt, regret, unresolved grief and damaged relationships, which often get in the way of a positive start in your new place.
Therefore, together with my own personal experiences as well as my professional background in psychology, I have a very special place in my heart to see families as well as individuals thrive in their new found home and maintain a healthy sense of self.
Need help with the Emotional Challenges of Relocation?
Please continue to journey with me as I provide some useful resources and food for thought as we continue to embrace the path of relocation. Should you want to just chat and obtain some further insight into the emotional challenges of relocation, then please drop me a message at [email protected]
